4/? – The Struggle Is Real

It fascinates me that no matter how hard we try to control our own situations, planning out the steps and preparing for the various presumed obstacles we would hypothetically encounter, we can still somehow find ourselves in an entirely different circumstance that wasn’t even on our radar. All that effort and energy left on the cutting room floor to be swept up, potentially never to be revisited again. I ask myself how many hours, days I have wasted away at a fictitious grind where I was attempting to play architect over my life, only to have God or any unforeseen circumstances waiting just outside my tunnel-vision with highly relevant information that impacts the entire trajectory. Reminds me of the times when you ask your friend to let you finish talking but they’re just trying to save you the trouble of explaining something that you are obviously misinformed or ignorant to the new details…

 “You’re doing that thing again where you randomly start talking like it’s the middle of your thought, M3thods…”

I guess it would be fair for me to explain how I got to this headspace before I continue on with the sporadic carousel of thoughts that have been riddling me lately. Over the last several weeks I experienced one of those moments where one realizes that despite all of the care and attention being given to various projects, such as musings I wish to share with whoever visits my minuscule yet comfy corner of the internet, that it had become apparent for me to revisit and recalibrate my game plan.

For those not aware, I’ve been recently experiencing the woes that come with a loved one enduring a life-threatening tragedy. The kind where it goes from both initial shock and wearing worry like a glove, to the marathon waiting game of praying and hoping for miracles and positive conclusions as you attempt to be the firm foundation for others, even if it’s a house of cards at times while keeping it together under the surface. Even though these are my words to write and my thoughts to share, I have zero intentions to make this situation entirely about myself when I say that this experience is both familiar and the catalyst for this conversation now, with the familiar side of the equation to be discussed further down the road.

Something that I’m sure a majority of people experience when attempting to share reflective creativity, whether it be writing or any other verbal outlets, is how the mind can become too preoccupied with other thoughts making it difficult to focus on the intended topic. I found myself recently being unable to give the respectful amount of attention to projects I had set in motion prior to the loved one’s tragedy. I was and continue to be distracted with what feels like never-ending trails, where sometimes I even forget that catching a rabbit is the intended goal.

“I think I get it, but can you explain what the rabbit is that you’re currently chasing?”

Well, outside of what I personally have been working through lately, I’ve been noticing a soul-stirring trend. There’s been what appears to be a wave of heaviness and heartache crashing over a lot of people in my orbit, most of which are completely disconnected from each other outside of me just knowing the parties involved. A lot of discussion about sleepless nights, bad luck situations like the outcome of a bull entering a mirror shop, and other troubling scenarios within the realm of various work or home life struggles.

Now I know my experience with this trend is isolated, however I would wager to guess that this is probably a bigger occurrence across much of the population right now. Not to get too into the political weeds here, but the escalating battle between evil intentions in the world and good people trying to just live their lives is something I know I can’t be the only one seeing. I don’t consider the struggles to be an accident, seeing as how it is a useful distraction and potential corralling of the population, which is a necessity to continue on with their various sinister agendas.

Despite the rhyme or reason for the emotional cross-bearing, this has left me in a multi-week fog that consists mainly of thoughts about the concept of carrying burdens in general; how much it can impact your day to day and yet can be entirely possible to hide from the people closest to you. How you can act like the struggles don’t exist when you sign in to whatever platform or group chat, but they still haunt and persuade your thoughts while you consume everyone else’s that they decided to release into the digital wild. How whatever ails you isn’t apparent to the outside, so they treat or perhaps mistreat you while not knowing just how bad it is for you at the moment. That in particular is a point I really want to drive home so I will pose these questions to you…

When you are either lurking or participating in online altercations, do you ever consider the possibility that there might be a tortured soul behind the opposing avatar that you are unaware of the circumstances? How even though they could be entirely disrespectful, if only you knew the weight they were carrying that would better explain their actions, would you have treated them differently?

The reason why I ask is because if we are truly seeing a rise in turmoil in individual lives, then it stands to reason that there’s a decent chance you could be interacting with someone who is just being ravaged by life. How they may be on their phone for that momentary escape from their living hell, even acting like it’s business as usual because they really wish it was, and because of the lack of awareness about it they become misunderstood or mislabeled as someone trying to divide or cause drama in general. Now I’m not suggesting that you become a doormat when someone is having a bad day, but I’d like to think that there’s still plenty of people in the world that care selflessly for others and would handle the situation differently if they knew the truth. I have had the privilege to interact with plenty of well-intended people than I had previously thought existed and I highly doubt there is an impending extinction of such selfless behavior. I have seen opposing arguments where I considered both sides to be solid, but perhaps the personal struggles and fatigue had started clouding their considerations about the fellow human on the other side.

Which brings me to another point I wish to include, which is about battle fatigue. I know that most of you who end up reading this can relate when I say that the last several years have been a digital trial of our faith, patience and determination. Speaking from previous experience on the battle lines of the ongoing information war, I dare anyone to truthfully claim they haven’t experienced times where they felt mentally exhausted. All the researching and digging, the relaying of information day in and day out, witnessing the propaganda with complete clarity and the anger and frustration that goes with it, being slandered and verbally assaulted both online and offline, the singling out and cancellations from what is falsely advertised as a fair and balanced society, all the misunderstandings and chastisements by loved ones and acquaintances, feeling alone in our own convictions as well as our lives in general; we have experienced an entire gambit that I’m sure a high percentage of us never saw coming. For me, this has become a confirmation in my life that I was always meant to be alive during this part of the timeline, and I imagine if you’ve been participating in any part of the battle you can at least somewhat relate.

I hope to give the two cents that has resonated with me and I pray it does the same for you, especially if you are at a time where you need it. First off, if you have been standing firm in your beliefs while trying to help anyone that your ripple effect can reach, I would consider whatever levels of fatigue you felt as a badge of honor and proof that you come from a place of compassion, assuming your intentions have been to preserve the quality of life for those around you and what God intended for them. When that fatigue starts to kick in, let it be a reminder that the energy was never in vain. Your example may feel unnoticed or uneventful, but the world so desperately needs people like you; the one’s with servant hearts. I also firmly believe that one levels up in their own lives when they put time and energy into others without personal reward outside of enjoying the thought of making a productive impact.

Another thing I will mention briefly is that if you understand the battle fatigue all too well, then I ask that you remind yourself that the people around you, whether ideologically aligned with you or not, also experience the fatigue. They may not be acting within their normal nature because of the burdens they are carrying.

Once again, I’m not at all implying that you let everyone run all over you, however it has really helped my view of the world when I do the table-turning exercise and consider that maybe the other side is hurting. I’d hate to quickly write off someone because I falsely narrated their words.

Finally, I ask of you to remember that fatigue is the warning sign when you need to at some point recharge. You may not feel like you can in the immediate, but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re making it harder to be the best version of yourself, which is what the world needs more than the version of you just getting by. I’ve powered through it enough to know that I wish I hadn’t at times, and even though playing the what-if game is ultimately pointless outside of learning from past decisions, I can’t help but wonder what potential doors I missed because I was too busy trying to be the architect over what I must endure despite the consequences.

Got a Comment?

It fascinates me that no matter how hard we try to control our own situations, planning out the steps and preparing for the various presumed obstacles we would hypothetically encounter, we can still somehow find ourselves in an entirely different circumstance that wasn’t even on our radar. All that effort and energy left on the cutting room floor to be swept up, potentially never to be revisited again. I ask myself how many hours, days I have wasted away at a fictitious grind where I was attempting to play architect over my life, only to have God or any unforeseen circumstances waiting just outside my tunnel-vision with highly relevant information that impacts the entire trajectory. Reminds me of the times when you ask your friend to let you finish talking but they’re just trying to save you the trouble of explaining something that you are obviously misinformed or ignorant to the new details…

 “You’re doing that thing again where you randomly start talking like it’s the middle of your thought, M3thods…”

I guess it would be fair for me to explain how I got to this headspace before I continue on with the sporadic carousel of thoughts that have been riddling me lately. Over the last several weeks I experienced one of those moments where one realizes that despite all of the care and attention being given to various projects, such as musings I wish to share with whoever visits my minuscule yet comfy corner of the internet, that it had become apparent for me to revisit and recalibrate my game plan.

For those not aware, I’ve been recently experiencing the woes that come with a loved one enduring a life-threatening tragedy. The kind where it goes from both initial shock and wearing worry like a glove, to the marathon waiting game of praying and hoping for miracles and positive conclusions as you attempt to be the firm foundation for others, even if it’s a house of cards at times while keeping it together under the surface. Even though these are my words to write and my thoughts to share, I have zero intentions to make this situation entirely about myself when I say that this experience is both familiar and the catalyst for this conversation now, with the familiar side of the equation to be discussed further down the road.

Something that I’m sure a majority of people experience when attempting to share reflective creativity, whether it be writing or any other verbal outlets, is how the mind can become too preoccupied with other thoughts making it difficult to focus on the intended topic. I found myself recently being unable to give the respectful amount of attention to projects I had set in motion prior to the loved one’s tragedy. I was and continue to be distracted with what feels like never-ending trails, where sometimes I even forget that catching a rabbit is the intended goal.

“I think I get it, but can you explain what the rabbit is that you’re currently chasing?”

Well, outside of what I personally have been working through lately, I’ve been noticing a soul-stirring trend. There’s been what appears to be a wave of heaviness and heartache crashing over a lot of people in my orbit, most of which are completely disconnected from each other outside of me just knowing the parties involved. A lot of discussion about sleepless nights, bad luck situations like the outcome of a bull entering a mirror shop, and other troubling scenarios within the realm of various work or home life struggles.

Now I know my experience with this trend is isolated, however I would wager to guess that this is probably a bigger occurrence across much of the population right now. Not to get too into the political weeds here, but the escalating battle between evil intentions in the world and good people trying to just live their lives is something I know I can’t be the only one seeing. I don’t consider the struggles to be an accident, seeing as how it is a useful distraction and potential corralling of the population, which is a necessity to continue on with their various sinister agendas.

When you are either lurking or participating in online altercations, do you ever consider the possibility that there might be a tortured soul behind the opposing avatar that you are unaware of the circumstances? How even though they could be entirely disrespectful, if only you knew the weight they were carrying that would better explain their actions, would you have treated them differently?

The reason why I ask is because if we are truly seeing a rise in turmoil in individual lives, then it stands to reason that there’s a decent chance you could be interacting with someone who is just being ravaged by life. How they may be on their phone for that momentary escape from their living hell, even acting like it’s business as usual because they really wish it was, and because of the lack of awareness about it they become misunderstood or mislabeled as someone trying to divide or cause drama in general. Now I’m not suggesting that you become a doormat when someone is having a bad day, but I’d like to think that there’s still plenty of people in the world that care selflessly for others and would handle the situation differently if they knew the truth. I have had the privilege to interact with plenty of well-intended people than I had previously thought existed and I highly doubt there is an impending extinction of such selfless behavior. I have seen opposing arguments where I considered both sides to be solid, but perhaps the personal struggles and fatigue had started clouding their considerations about the fellow human on the other side.

Which brings me to another point I wish to include, which is about battle fatigue. I know that most of you who end up reading this can relate when I say that the last several years have been a digital trial of our faith, patience and determination. Speaking from previous experience on the battle lines of the ongoing information war, I dare anyone to truthfully claim they haven’t experienced times where they felt mentally exhausted. All the researching and digging, the relaying of information day in and day out, witnessing the propaganda with complete clarity and the anger and frustration that goes with it, being slandered and verbally assaulted both online and offline, the singling out and cancellations from what is falsely advertised as a fair and balanced society, all the misunderstandings and chastisements by loved ones and acquaintances, feeling alone in our own convictions as well as our lives in general; we have experienced an entire gambit that I’m sure a high percentage of us never saw coming. For me, this has become a confirmation in my life that I was always meant to be alive during this part of the timeline, and I imagine if you’ve been participating in any part of the battle you can at least somewhat relate.

I hope to give the two cents that has resonated with me and I pray it does the same for you, especially if you are at a time where you need it. First off, if you have been standing firm in your beliefs while trying to help anyone that your ripple effect can reach, I would consider whatever levels of fatigue you felt as a badge of honor and proof that you come from a place of compassion, assuming your intentions have been to preserve the quality of life for those around you and what God intended for them. When that fatigue starts to kick in, let it be a reminder that the energy was never in vain. Your example may feel unnoticed or uneventful, but the world so desperately needs people like you; the one’s with servant hearts. I also firmly believe that one levels up in their own lives when they put time and energy into others without personal reward outside of enjoying the thought of making a productive impact.

Finally, I ask of you to remember that fatigue is the warning sign when you need to at some point recharge. You may not feel like you can in the immediate, but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re making it harder to be the best version of yourself, which is what the world needs more than the version of you just getting by. I’ve powered through it enough to know that I wish I hadn’t at times, and even though playing the what-if game is ultimately pointless outside of learning from past decisions, I can’t help but wonder what potential doors I missed because I was too busy trying to be the architect over what I must endure despite the consequences.